Chauffeurs and Booties and Souls, Oh My!

By Jared Andrea

In a year that has seen a pleasantly surprising Big Sean album, a mixtape/album/miscellaneous release by Drake, and the coronation of Kendrick Lamar, one song has jumped to the forefront for hip hop and R&B so far in 2015. It’s “Post To Be” by Omarion, Chris Brown and Jhene Aiko, produced by the minimalist genius himself, DJ Mustard. Never mind Omarion, he’s -unsurprisingly- the least memorable person on the record. Chris Brown does Chris Brown things on the song -which is great if you like Chris Brown and nails on a chalkboard if you don’t. But the real showstopper is Jhene Aiko’s verse towards the end of the song. It’s hilarious, fascinating, disturbing, and instantly memorable. It’s probably the reason the song is currently sitting at #16 on the Billboard chart (it’s definitely not there because of Omarion.) We are going to go on a line by line evaluation of her verse. So let’s get it started.

“If your dude comes close to me,”

Stop right there. We need to establish that in the previous verses by Omarion and Chris, it’s all about talking to guys who are getting their girlfriends stolen by our two heroes-a common theme in Chris Brown’s music circa 2015. Jhene flips it in her verse and is talking to a girl who’s going to get her man stolen by Jhene. Tough luck chica.

“He gon wanna ride off in a Ghost with me, (I’ll make him do it!)”

A quick Google check shows the new Rolls Royce Ghost cost upwards of 300,000 thousand dollars, something that Jhene can (apparently) afford and broke homegirl can’t. Props to Jhene, too, for using a male rap brag of stealing someone’s significant other using material objects, like the 2015 Rolls Royce Ghost (Kelly Blue Book MSRP Price: $324,000)

I might let your boy chauffeur me,”

Once again, Jhene is flipping the usual male rap boasts on its head and saying that even though this dude is gonna take a ride with her- she’s not his girl. But he’s going to be wheeling her around “Driving Ms. Daisy” style while they’re together. One might say he’s going to have her ride for a bit. That’s not all he’s going to do though…

“But he gotta eat the booty like groceries,”

That’s it. Game over. No matter what else comes out this year, this is the line of 2015. Since Big Sean’s 2011 hit “A$$” we’ve had a booty renaissance in hip hop and R&B, and this is the culmination. Jhene’s going to steal another chick’s guy, drive off with him, make him toss her salad, and then send him home (hopefully with mouthwash and just to be safe, some gum).  Just know that a thousand years from now, when historians look back at music of 2015, this will be the first thing that shows up in the history books. What a time to be alive.

“But he gotta get rid of these hoes for me,”

But wait-there’s more! Nobody rides and eats Jhene’s booty for free. This guy’s gotta drop all the other side chicks and get with Jhene only…and maybe the girl he was originally stolen from. Jhene’s contradicting her a little bit because she called him “Your boy” a couple lines earlier, so who knows? It’s complicated, but Chris Brown calls this type of situation a slow Tuesday so maybe it’s not that big a deal.

“I might have that nigga selling(sailing) his soul for me”

The booty line has everyone talking, but how the Hell is this line being glossed over? Yes, Jhene’s mixtape was called Sailing Soul(s), but we know damn well what she is saying here. This is some illuminati type shit, and insane. For you young, impressionable lovers out there, if there’s one lyric you should ignore from this song, this is it. Stealing significant others and eating Jhene’s ass is fine (the latter you should use precaution), but DO NOT sell your soul for somebody. Chances are if you try to get it back, they’ll have gotten rid of it for some Alf pogs anyway.

Ooh that’s how it’s ‘post to be if he wants me to expose the freak”

And after all that-the booty eating, the soul selling, dropping every other girl from his roster-this guy is going to get Jhene to “perform” for him. This is interesting, because if Jhene doesn’t consider booty eating or soul selling to be part of her freaky side, then what the Hell kind of voodoo, dominatrix stuff does she do in the bedroom?

“Ooh that’s how it’s ‘post to be, ooh that’s how it’s ‘post to be, ooh that’s how it’s ‘post to be, everything good like it’s ‘post to be”

In case it wasn’t clear, that’s how it’s post to be.

To sum it up, this verse is nuts. Jhene Aiko is either trolling everyone (possible) or the freakiest musician in the game by a country mile (also possible). In all honesty the truth probably lays somewhere in the middle. Kudos to her though for going all-in and turning an enjoyable, but forgettable Omarion single, into a watershed musical moment on par with the Beatles playing the Ed Sullivan show, Michael Jackson’s Thriller album and Lil Wayne saying all his kicks are fly like Liu Kang. The verse has everything-it’s catchy, it’s fun, it’s quotable and it’s over a great Mustard beat. In this magical moment, you can have your cake and eat Jhene’s booty too-or something like that.

everything-it’s catchy, it’s fun, it’s quotable and it’s over a great Mustard beat. In this magical moment, you can have your cake and eat Jhene’s booty too-or something like that.